Avoiding The Possibilities
I hate to even think about this topic but “something suddenly came up” there for, it’s something I’m forced to figure out & maybe you can help!
In the 31 years of my life, I have fallen for a total of four men. All in which were impossible to keep or maintain and so I’m forced to believe that it’s me ~ I chose the most difficult paths when it comes to men.
The first was a childhood crush who moved to another state right in the middle of our starting point. Needless to say, we were just kids, however he remained very near and dear to my heart only because he was my first love. He is now married with beautiful children & I couldn’t be happier for him and we’re better off being friends!
The second was my husband (ex). My high school sweetheart turned out to be a truly wonderful man (and still is). Unfortunately he made a mistake by having an affair and there was nothing I could do to make him stay. And now, we’re better off being friends!
The third was simply a rebound to help overcome my divorce in which I ended up falling hard (very hard). All along I knew he was not a good man when it came to women but he got the job done and now we’re better off being “distant” friends!
The forth is a man I consider to be a breath of fresh air. He was a very good friend of mine who, without any intention on either of our parts, became more than friends. It was something I never imagined would go anywhere because of distance however, once again, I had fallen for someone I couldn’t have and this time…I didn’t want this man to be better off as a friend, I wanted more!
Now in between each of these men have been a lot of great “almosts” who had taken me on dates, guys who sparked my interest, guys who made my heart skip a beat and some other guys who did absolutely nothing for me at all! Sometimes I even forced myself to go on dates just so that I never sat at home feeling sorry for myself. In the end, I fall for the one’s I can’t have…and this has nothing to do with any of that psycho-analogy bullshit about “we want what we can’t have” either, so don’t even go there!
I have let these 4 men into my life for different reasons. And every one of them has become important to me in their own special way. I consider myself a very lucky person to have experienced love! It just so happens to be that none of them were available to me in the way I wished for. The other guys I dated simply didn’t have what it takes to keep my interest in one way or another.
And so now I wonder, why do I fall for the “impossible”? I wonder, am I intentionally doing this so that it’s impossible for me to get hurt again? Because let me tell you this…2 out of 4 of these men cheated on me and the pain you feel when someone you love dearly doesn’t love you the same in return…well…lets just say I know I wouldn’t be able to handle that life lesson again (at least not without anti-depressants) LMFAO! I am far from being a bitter and cynical woman because of their mistakes. I’m stronger because I have forgiven, moved on and have become a lot more weary of who I let into my world!
I go out on a lot of dates but I back away just before the time comes to get personal. Why? I think, because deep down, I’m afraid of feeling the pain of another man hurting me again. I realize there are no guarantees! Anyone can make promises until they’re blue in the face proclaiming they’ll be faithful but we just…don’t…know! And that unknown possibility makes me cringe! I realize this way of thinking isn’t healthy! I realize I’m not being fair to potential relationships! I realize I’m holding myself back from letting someone prove me wrong!
However, until that day comes… When I find a man strong enough to put me in my place and prove me wrong… The impossible path is the direction I’m taking to avoid the possibility of being hurt! Am I crazy? Am I selfish? Or am I smart?
4 Responses to “Avoiding The Possibilities”
The good news is, it isnt just you. I walked around with the whole “only common denominator” idea for years. That simply isn’t the truth. Your divorce was brought on by the ultimate act of betrayal. You pick people that your brain says “this so isnt the long haul guy” but your heart says “I kind of hope he is”. You listen to your heart.
We all do it. I mastered the art of the short term relationship. Why? Same as before. I know how marriage turns out. I am not cynical or bitter..just hurt.
Consider this as possible. I think you could find your answer there.
Mikhael
By Masorti on May 29, 2009
Abbi,
I heard this quote in a movie and there is a ton of truth in it if you think about it. “you should not follow your heart it can be misled, instead you have to lead your heart…..”
I used to be the same way. I have “fallen” for a couple of people in the past, knowing in my head there was no way in hell it would work out. But I felt in my heart if I did this or that then I could make it work. Guess what? I got burned. badly.
Long distance relationships can work, but there has to be a lot of trust and sacrifice on both parts for it to work. I personally am not cut out for them because number one I have trust issues, and I would not be willing to move somewhere else and disrupt my children’s lives. Maybe someday I will reach that point, but who knows……….
Someting I have learned is that no matter what, people will hurt you. They will disapoint you, and they will make you mad. It is a fact of life. The hard part is finding someone who will admit their mistakes and willingly recognize them and work with you to try and not let them happen again.
I could go on and on, but I will cut it off here, as the kids are ready to go play outside. Have a wonderful weekend!!!
By Dan on May 29, 2009
There’s a lot of truth when you say “I kind of hope he is”! It’s funny you say that, I remember thinking that! Thanks hun, great outlook on the subject!
By Abbi on May 30, 2009
Dan, you are so right to say it’s important to find someone who will admit their own mistakes! One thing I have learned from my past relationships is how important it is to be quick on my feet to say “I’m sorry” when I’m wrong! That is a GREAT point, thank you! Have a great weekend Dan, keep me updated!
By Abbi on May 30, 2009