Abbi’s Blog

Just as I thought

It was Ally’s 2nd day of 1st grade today and we decided to try the parent drop-off in the morning!  Meaning, I pull up to the back of the school, she gets out of the car, goes inside and walks to her class all by herself!  I told her it would be a perfect time to try it because teachers will be in the hall (seeing that it’s a new school year) so there will be someone to ask for help if she gets lost!  She agreed, kissed me goodbye and headed in!  I was so nervous all day!  I went to dairy queen to pick up her favorite ice cream before I picked her up, I had a feeling she would need a little prize!

When I picked her up, I asked how it went this morning….Just as I thought!  She got lost!  There are 3 hallways in the school and the office is right smack dab in the middle!   I was irritated when she told me she went down the wrong hall and ended up by her kindergarden class.  Not irritated with her, irritated that there was a little girl roaming the halls in an elementary school and nobody stopped her to ask if she needed help!  She said she was just about to cry and thankfully her teacher recognized her and called out her name! 

I don’t want her to be scared to do things on her own!  I need her to be confident & I have to teach her that!  I had an older sister…she took care of me, she always made sure I got on the bus ok, she made sure I got to class ok, she made sure I was ok all the time.  My Ally doesn’t have that, she’s an only child in my home (she has a step-brother and half-sister but they live with her dad)!  It kills me because I remember how scared I was without my sister, I couldn’t imagine doing things all by myself!  So I turned the car around and I went back to the school with Ally!  I told her “we’re going to figure this out together, ok”!  She didn’t want to but I told her, “Mommy is going to help you, you can do this Ally, there’s nothing to be scared of,  I’m going to help you”!

We waited for all the buses to leave and went back into the school!  We walked down to the door where she would walk in from parent drop-off and looked at all the things we passed in the hallways to get to her classroom!  She seemed more confident now!  It’s easy for me to remember to take my time with her when it comes to these simple things because I know she’s doing these things on her own, I know how scary it is and I dont’ want her to be scared (it even scares me just thinking that she’s doing it by herself)!  I want her to be brave…even when she is a little scared!

August 26, 2008 | Mental Mind Notes | No Comments »

1st day of 1st Grade

It was Ally’s 1st day of 1st Grade today!  Not working is great for days like these these!  We took our time making her way to her class and this year, all the kids sat at their desks and class started right away with roll-call (not like kindergarten where mom’s stuck around to video tape and take pictures)! LOL!

When I picked her up she was all excited!  She likes her new teacher, got to see old friends and met a new friend too!  I was anctious to hear what she had to say as I watched her blow kisses to me from accross the parking lot.  When she got in the car….WOW!  She’s got a little miss I’m so cool attitude because I’m in 1st grade now!  I tried my best to hold back from giggling when she said to me “yea, it was pretty cool today”!

August 25, 2008 | Mental Mind Notes | No Comments »

I Believe In Fairytales!

 What’s wrong with believing in Prince Charming?  What is it that’s so BAD about him?  What’s wrong with living happily ever after?  What’s so bad about a guy who wants to rescue the love of his life?  Are fairytales really all that different from REAL life? 
 
The girl always seems to be in some kind of trouble or emotional mis-hap.  Cinderella came from a bad home life.  Sleeping Beauty was in constant hiding from the evil ways of the world.  Ariel was trapped, secluded and wanted to see the world.  Jasmine wanted adventure instead of the self absorbed men her father kept setting her up with.  Snow white was left alone, deceived by the only person she could call family.  Bell gave her own life to save her father.  All of these girls were swept off their feet by their prince charming!  No, not by money, but by true love, companionship, trust and commitment, received by none other than their Prince Charming!  Their night and shining armor!
 
The princess stories have always been my favorite and after raising a daughter, I believe I can now be qualified as an expert when it comes to most of the princesses.  I can PROVE that none of these girls fell in love because of money…it was because of love!  I can PROVE that there is nothing wrong with believing in fairytales!  Here are a few background checks…
 

My personal favorite…Sleeping Beauty (aka princess aurora/ aka briar rose)

 Sleeping Beauty was taken from her family at birth, hidden in the forest and raised as a peasant by 3 good fairies (flora, fauna and maryweather).  Hiding from Maleficent, who was jealous of the princess and cast a spell for her to die before her 18th birthday!  Sleeping Beauty sang this song… “I wonder, If my heart keeps singing will my song go winging to someone, who’ll find me, and bring back a love song to me”!  It was her beautiful voice echoing through the forest that caught Prince Phillip’s attention.  It was love at first sight and Prince Phillip was willing to give up everything he had to find her, to save her, to have her by his side!

The Little Mermaid (aka Arial)

The Little Mermaid was forced to stay within arm’s reach of her home.  Even though King Triton loved her and only wanted to protect her, Arial was in need of experiencing a new life, part of a world where she was free to learn, walk, dance and love the man she fell for on land!  Prince Eric was also searching for a unique kind of girl instead of the typical gold digging snobs who drewl over him!  Just like Sleeping Beauty, it was Arial’s voice that stuck in his mind after she saved him from a ship wreck…he wouldn’t stop searching until he found her!  And even though Ursula the sea witch (who had it out for King Triton and did everything in her power to stop them to gain control of the sea), it was their love for each other that encouraged them to fight to the very end for each other!

Cinderella (aka Cinderelly)

We all know Cinderella.  After her father died, she was left with her step mother (Lady Tremaine) and two step sisters (Anastasia and Drizella) who turned Cinderella into their personal maid.  She had faith that her dreams of a life full of happiness would come true.  And like Prince Eric from the Little mermaid, Prince Charming was bored to death with the girls fighting for a crown.  Because of Cinderella’s Fairy God Mother, she was able to experience a night of happiness where she danced in her love’s arms, where she told him “I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.  Yes, I know it’s true, that visions are seldom all they seem.  But if I know you, I know what you’ll do, you’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream”!  And again, that instant connection of pure, innocent attraction is what made him search high and low for this one special girl who stole his heart!

  **************************

Now YES…All of these guys come from money, but nowhere in any of these stories (or ANY princess story) do they focus on fortune or fame, it’s never mentioned, it’s not the purpose behind any story.  They all focus on true love, commitment and dedication to one another!  Every prince wanted a woman who would love him for “him”, not for his money!  Every prince proved his devotion by helping her when she so desperately needed it.  And in return every princess gave all of her love and appreciation to that one special man!  WHAT is wrong with that?

I think it would be wise for guys to sit down and watch princess stories…they could learn a lot!  There’s a “bigger picture” behind each story.  Tell me guys, what’s wrong with respecting and loving a girl with all you have to offer?  What’s wrong with wanting to help the woman you love when she needs you?  What’s so wrong with being heroic? 

I never understood when guys say “girls need to stop believing in fairytales because they don’t exist”!

When someone says that, all I hear is, “I have no desire or motivation to be a respectable, good guy”!   And what about the girls?  Why would you stop believing in fairytales?  Are you telling me you want to settle for a man who doesn’t care enough to fight for you just as much as you are for him? 

 What’s WRONG with believing in fairytales and/or prince charming?

August 16, 2008 | Dating | 6 Comments »

What Are You Waiting For?

What is it that makes us sit around and wait for someone who isn’t coming around any time soon, if ever again?  You know…when you’re head over heals in love with that special someone who just broke your heart and you can’t do anything but sit and wait for them to realize they just made the bigest mistake of their life.  You wait for them to show up at your doorstep with open arms telling you they can’t live without you!  Waiting to hear them tell you they love you more than anything and want to give you the world if you just give them another chance!  And willingly, if they DID show up at your door the way you’ve been imagining, YOU WOULD give them that chance because you’ve been WAITING to hear those words fall from the beautiful lips that you’ve been day dreaming about all this time! 

It’s so depressing, it’s heartbreaking and waiting to hear the words you need to make it through the day seems to take forever.  Minutes become hours and hours become days.  Thoughts of how good it used to be, what could’ve been and re-tracing the steps of what went wrong are all you can fill your mind with & nothing else seems to matter!  Even the thought of putting yourself out there for someone else to take over your heart is sickening to your stomach.  The thought of touching someone else or having someone touch you is completely out of the question…

The fact is, something went wrong!  There’s a reason why we feel so consumed with this horrible feeling.  Maybe our bodies take over some kind of healing process to build our heart back into one piece but what ever the case, it’s because we’ve been hurt, deceived, lied to, betrayed!  And yet, we wait…

…for a miracle, for an apology, for a better understanding of how this could happen, or better yet, how could we have let this happen to us?  Why didn’t we see it coming and why didn’t we stop it before it ever happened?  We wait for the healing process to take over. 

STOP WAITING AND START LIVING…

AND REALIZE…

THERE’S A BETTER WAY TO LIVE, THERE’S A BETTER WAY TO WAIT…

AND IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE THIS…

WAIT FOR THE ONE YOU LOVE TO COME HOME,

DO NOT WAIT FOR ANYONE WHO HURTS YOU!

August 7, 2008 | Dating | No Comments »

Summer Break Is Over!

It’s been a little over a month now that I’ve been laid off from my job.  I was devistated at first, I’ve never been in this situation, I was scared that I wasn’t going to be able to make ends meet but I’ve managed to do it some how!  It just comes to show you, the more money you make, the more money you spend!

I’ve been contemplating on what I want, where I see myself.  Should I go for the small or big companies?  Do I want a job I have a passion for or do I go for the money?  I came to a decision….I want the money!  Don’t we all?

I’ve done pretty much all I can do around the house.  Every room, closet, garage and garden is organized from top to bottom, everything is cleaned out and put in it’s place…now it’s my turn!  This has been a great mental-break for me, I needed it more than I realized!  I had a job that I loved (it of course had it’s bad days) but I loved it!  To make a long story short, the owners couldn’t get along and the company closed it’s doors…it’s a shame, it was a great company ~ they could’ve gone so far!  From there on I’ve had 3 jobs.  Whether it was for more money and closer to home, more experience to add to my resume or a better title….either way, I took these jobs just to get out of the one I was in…it was such a feeling of “loss”!

I love being home at the same time.  I have definitely looked into different ways to be able to stay at home and make money but, I’m just not motivated to work while I’m here!  I miss the office atmosphere, I miss interacting with clients and co-workers, I miss being in control!  I have found myself staying up very late, sleeping in and passing up my work-out routines!  My life was so set-in-stone and under control when I had a full time job, now I find myself slacking in accomplishing things because I have time…I’ll do it later!  I don’t know how stay-at-home moms do this!  I really don’t!  I felt so much more organized with my time and money and with my daughter’s schedule when I was working!  I think I’m getting lazy!

It’s been wonderful being able to take “summer break” with my daughter!  But it’s time I get back in the game!  I’m ready!  She starts school in just a few weeks so from now until then, I’m planning on getting back into my “work schedule”!  In bed before 10pm and up at 5am…work out, shower, wake my daughter up, breakfast and out the door….ok, well maybe not out the door but just START the day fresh!  I’ve also decided we’ll do a little “review” of kindergarten so that it’s fresh in her mind so that she’s ready for 1st grade!  My poor daughter…she has no idea what she’s in for! LOL!  

The great thing is that we’ve perfected her kartwheels, she learned to float and swim under water, jump off the diving board, and we’re still working on riding a bike with no training wheels….those ARE important things for children to learn durring the summer and I AM SO HAPPY & SO LUCKY that I had all this extra time to be there by her side to help her!  There is so much more I want to give her though…and I can’t do that without a full time job!  I keep 2nd guessing myself, wondering if staying home would be better for my daughter, I’m going to miss being able to be wherever and whenever at the drop of a hat….but then I think to myself!  NO!  I’m not neglecting my daughter by working, I’m giving her more!  When I look back on my childhood, all I remember are special moments my mom & I had together, how much she loved me and how much fun we had together AFTER she got home from her full-time job which never phased me one bit!

I’m ready!  I had a great time this summer, playing and relaxing with my daughter but it’s time to start saving for our new house, new car and our European Tour!  She has to go back to school & I have to go back to work!

PS~ MY GOSH, I MISS WEARING MY HEALS!!!!!

August 4, 2008 | Miscellaneous | No Comments »

I’m Cautious Not Fake!

Everything I write is mostly something that I have dealt with personally!  I’ll tell you the truth, I’ll share my opinions and stories, I don’t have anything to hide but I will not share my whereabouts or pictures of myself or my family with complete strangers!

A lot of people are put down on myspace for keeping their profile private or only showing headshots instead of full body pictures!  They get accused of being fake or being fat!  Did you ever think there’s a logical reason for it?  THERE IS a reason why I don’t flaunt my 36-DD’s, there’s a reason why I keep my myspace profile private, let me tell you why…

1st of all…a majority of my friends on myspace are people I grew up with!  I come from a small town so needless to say, the people I graduated high school with were the same kids who I colored with in kindergarten!  We all know that people change, we start to lead our lives in different directions and go our separate ways, however sharing pictures of our adventures through life keep us connected!  It’s wonderful to be able to see how my girlfriend’s family is growing together now that she’s moved 6 states away from me!  But the stranger in the next town over from me has no business seeing it!

2nd of all…I consider myself a decent looking gal.  I have my good looking moments and not so good looking moments (which I would never display…. why would I?  I won’t go out in public looking like shit so why would I post them on myspace?).  I don’t feel the need to post shots of my body to prove to anyone that I’m beautiful!  The thought of some creep skimming through myspace profiles, trying to find a hot girl to jerk off to grosses me out!  So I’ll keep my body parts to myself thank you (I’m not implying that I’m jerk-off material…just say’n)!

3rd of all & my point…There are so many fricking sick-o people out there & we never think it would ever happen to us!  When I was in 7th grade, a guy broke into my bedroom window in the middle of the night and attempted to rape me.  This was all, WAY before myspace, emails or digital cameras existed in normal, every day lives!  And now that I am raising a little girl on my own, why in the hell would I expose our lives for the world to see at the tip of their fingers!  It’s like handing over a personal invitation to another demented person to enter into my life!  No Thank You!

If your myspace profile is private, then at least keep your pictures private!  Fucked-up things CAN happen & I’m not going to share pictures of myself or my daughter for the risk of re-living something tragic!  This is my opinion, I could care less if you want to show your tits or muscles to the world, that’s your purgative, but just know, there’s a reason why others don’t!  And it’s not always because people are fake, it’s because they’re cautious and aware of the crazy people who exist, they’re protecting their children, their families & friends and for goodness sakes…don’t we all need some kind of privacy in life!

Being “safe” doesn’t only apply to sex ~ I want a safe life too!  I realize it’s not always guaranteed but damit, nobody can stop me from trying my best!

August 1, 2008 | Miscellaneous | 4 Comments »

I’m FINE!

Those simple 2 words that say it all….

NO REALLY, “I’M FINE”!!!!

There’s so much meaning behind it, isn’t there?  Or maybe not so much rather than just enough to let someone know that you’re NOT really fine at all!

Why is it that we say “I’m Fine” when we’re really not fine?  And when someone says I’m fine, automatically your first instinct is to ask in return, “Are you sure”?  Because we all know it means the exact opposite!

We say we’re FINE because it’s the shortest most simplest answer we can give before we start breaking into song about how stressed or hurt or angry we are.  We say we’re FINE to shut ourselves up because even the thoughts chasing through our mind are tourchering enough to handle.  And besides that, we say we’re fine because those thoughts aren’t fully processed in our minds to be able to put into words yet!

I CAN’T TELL YOU WHAT’S WRONG BECAUSE I HAVEN’T FIGURED IT OUT YET MYSELF!!

I am notorious for saying “I’m Fine” (with a big smile smeared across my face).  It takes me a while, slower than most people, to process my thoughts before I can put them into words.  I want to be sure that what comes out of my mouth is going to be understood so that I don’t have to repeat myself or explain any more than I have to.  It’s easier to smile and say I’m fine but realistically my mind is racing to come up with a clever conversation so that I don’t have to disguss what ever it is that’s bothering me!

I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT SO I’LL FIND A WAY TO MOVE ONTO THE NEXT TOPIC!

We need to come up with a different response to hide our crazy thoughts when we’re not ready to talk about our frustrations.  A better disguise so that people don’t second guess us and insist on getting answers that we can’t find the words for quit yet!  Because if you think about it, even the TONE in our voice when we say “I’m fine” is not very convincing!  

So the trick is…to get the attention off of you and without sounding scarcastic because that only raises eyebrows too!

FRIEND - “How are you doing”?

YOU - “I’m Fine”.

It’s an open ended answer, leaving your friend in control of the conversation and prompting them to keep asking questions!  So lets come up with some different responses….

1. Life is good

2. couldn’t be better

3. No news is good news!

4. I’m great

If you say these little phrases outloud (even to yourself) it’s hard to say them with a disapointing or depressed tone in your voice because they’re all so possitive!  And better yet, don’t just stop there, make sure to reverse the attention and ask the same thing in return so that the conversation topic now becomes about your friend; “I’m great!  How are you”?

“I’M FINE” isn’t a good enough answer!  It never has been, it never will be!  And the only reason why we say it is so that we don’t have to dump our thoughts and emotions onto our friend, sometimes we’re not ready to talk about things because we haven’t sorted it out yet, maybe we’re imbarrased or too sad. 

Either way, if you’re not ready to talk about something, saying “I”M FINE” will only tell the person you’re NOT fine!  Do you agree? 

Don’t you second guess people when they tell you they’re fine? 

What other phrases have you come back with to avoid a conversation you weren’t ready for instead of saying “I’M FINE”?

July 28, 2008 | Miscellaneous | No Comments »

Little Interruptions

For those of you who have children you’ll feel me on this one!

Why is it, the only time my daughter needs my undivided attention is when I’m on the phone?  Being an only child, she’s a very independent little 6 and a 1/2 year old ~ she loves playing on her own.  She’s usually coloring, playing with her dollhouse or dolls, outside on her bike or watching a cartoon but as soon as that phone rings, she’s in my face, tapping my shoulder, “mommy, watch this” or “mommy, mommy, mommy, can I have this”?  Even when it comes to working at the computer.  Once I sit down at my desk, she needs me to watch her do cartwheels and summersaults or watch the reinaction of how the ball bounced across the room and she will not start until my eyes are focused on her!

Those of you who don’t have children, can still feel my pain! 

Even I find it extremely annoying when I call my friends, only to sit and listen to them talk and/or yell at their kids!  HELLO….if you can’t talk then why even bother picking up the phone?  If my daughter starts talking to me, I put my finger in the air (as if to say, “wait”) and turn the opposite direction from her so that she knows I’m not paying attention!  I’ve asked her, “Why do you always talk to me when I’m on the phone?  You know that’s not polite”!

 ~ She didn’t have an answer of course! 

Is it possible that these little interruptions are signs of innocent jealousy?  Is it possible that she’s jealous that I’m showing someone else more attention then her so she intervenes to prove her priority in my life?  She never interrupts me for anything “crucial”, it’s as if she makes something up in her little mind just to spark up a conversation with me.  What posses children to feel that way to begin with?

I can’t stop everything and give her that attention, I would turn her into a spoiled brat if I did that!  She needs to learn right from wrong and it’s my responsibility to teach her that.  I tested these little interruption during the past week.  Instead of pointing my finger at her (because maybe that might be rude on my part), I placed the person I was on the phone with on hold (because they don’t need to hear a lecture), I bent down and reminded her that, what she has to say is important to me however, it is rude to interrupt someone when they are speaking so she’s going to have to be patient and wait until I hang up *kisses* & back to my phone conversation!

 So far so good, she got the attention and acknowledgement that she was in need of!

Even the simple little interruptions are crucial learning experiences for our children!  We all want to mold our children into good people!  It’s difficult sometimes to keep patient myself because I forget that her priorities are completely different than mine!  But at the same time, I have to be patient enough to teach by example rather than insist that she understands w/out my support! 

There are so many little interruptions that we have to deal with as parents and/or innocent bystanders!  And on top of that, we have to deal with them in the right way! 

 What interruptions have you encountered and how did you handle them?

July 19, 2008 | Single Mom | No Comments »

I Don’t Need Anyone!

There are some people who are needy beyond control!  They can’t be alone for the life of them.  If not in a relationship then a close group of friends.  A night alone in the presence of the sounds of crickets and wind chimes is off limits and drives them to a drunken stupor of mass text messages and phone calls until someone responds with a destination.

Others, on the other hand (like myself) LIVE for a weekend-get-away ALONE!  Being comfortable by yourself, a peaceful night, no TV, no computer, just some soft music in the background is what I prefer.  But that still doesn’t mean I don’t need people!

I have a friend who is always quick to announce that he doesn’t need anybody but himself.  Not even his wife.  He is so over the top independent, doesn’t want anyone’s help with anything.  He makes his own money, he repairs and remodels on his own.  If he doesn’t know how to do something, he’ll study until he’s a perfectionist!  But physically need anybody?  NO WAY! 

………….I call bluff!

Everyone needs someone!  There are people who are definitely more independent than others of course.  It’s ok to be alone, we don’t struggle with thoughts or actions because nobody is there to hear our words or feel our pain.  But every now and then…. a conversation, a touch, a glance of acknowledgment, a simple voice to remind us that we still exist is very well appreciated…and needed!

If it wasn’t for the people in my life, whether they be family, friends or acquaintances, I think I would become a closed off human being, my emotions would shut down & I would become resentful to the world and everyone in it…. kind of like a lonesome mountain man living alone in the wilderness talking to the birds and bears for moral support!  Um…No thank you!

I’m not Cinderella, I don’t understand bird-talk and I truly don’t believe they understand me either, and they definitely don’t understand the stress human beings encounter and the expectations we have to live up to!  But other humans do!  So why not lean on them from time to time for support?  What’s wrong with that ~ what’s wrong with asking someone for help?  Why do some people feel the need to do everything on their own?  Do they need some kind of power in their life to make them feel more important?  I think yes!

A controlling person feels as though nobody can do anything as good, so they might as well do it by themselves so it gets done right the first time!  But wouldn’t things be accomplished a lot FASTER if someone were there to help?

I feel bad for this friend of mine!  Because even though I enjoy “my time”, I enjoy my privacy and I feel good about myself when I accomplish things on my own, from time to time, I still NEED a sense of belonging!  To feel loved and appreciated!  The feeling of someone’s support, someone’s love, someone’s friendship is what gets me through tough times and I couldn’t bare the thought of getting threw those horrible moments in life by myself with out the people in my life who respect and care for me!  It’s ok to need people; it’s ok to ask for help because without them…I wouldn’t be “ME”!

July 2, 2008 | Miscellaneous | 3 Comments »

Becoming A Single Mom ~ Chapter II

BECOMING A SINGLE MOM ~ CHAPTER II ~ THE WEDDING

Everything started to fall perfectly into place once we arrived home from the cruise.  Immediately mom through an engagement party, we packed the house and people partied all night long!  The wedding plans were all we talked about for the next year to come.  We even put money down on a new contruction townhome in the town we grew up in together.  It was just outside of town, right across the street from one of my favorite parks which has everything, the pool, ponds, fountains, bike trails, tennis courts, playgrounds, it’s where they have the fireworks every year…we were perfectly located!  Unfortunately, it wasn’t going to be finished until well after our wedding.  The Fiance’ had finally moved out of his apartment and became roomates with one of our close friends.  He worked a late/night shift so I chose to continue to live with my mom until after our wedding.  A lot of stress was on us that year.  The wedding became expensive along with the townhome.  We paid for everything that that wasn’t generously covered by my mom and step dad (which was expected since they put so much money into making our wedding out of this world, so beautiful).  At the same time, I had to be sure to maintain a perfect credit score and not overspend since my name was the only one on our home-loan because my fiance’ had to file for bankruptsy after his car accident.  We knew we would have to wait until after we closed on the townhome before we could spend money on purchasing furniture and home decor, so we lived in a bare home for a while…who cares~ it was OURS!  Besides, I had already purchased my entire kitchen set YEARS ago (silly girls)!  On top of that, we had to SAVE money which was difficult to do with our continued party lifestyle with all our friends which by this time, had become our family!  We both made a very decent living at such young ages and with the 2 of us combined, we were pretty well off!  Niether one of us was good at putting money to the side!  I put so much money into the wedding and paid for the honeymoon myself, while his extra money was spent on our extra curricular “free-time”! 

Durring our engagement, things became a little “rocky” with my fiance’s family.  His father was a sever alcoholic and we were afraid his brothers were following in his footsteps.  Both his mom and dad were in and out of hospitals practically on a monthly basis it seemed.  As much stress as they caused each other, they always stood by eachother’s side no matter what.  It’s what I loved about them as much as they angered me so much at times.  And my fiance, in my opinion, was the one to hold them together.  He was always in control and always seemed to be the father figure of the family (crazy for being the youngest).  I could FEEL his sense of relief when he moved out from his apartment.  I was so happy for him, now that he was able to live his own life and finally not worry about anything but himself.  His mom finally took in his 2 older brothers and his father moved to a different state.  By that time, his alcohol problem had become so severe, and so detrimental to the family that they were no longer on speaking terms.  It was no suprise that his father wasn’t there for our wedding.  Which hurt me almost just as much as my fiance’ ~ I considered him a “father” since I was 16 years old, even though we got into arguments of our own, he was still so near and dear to my heart!  He moved away to become “better” and with that, so did his family!

Our wedding was SO BEAUTIFUL!  A girls dream come true and then some!  We went all out for every single detail.  It all starts with the dress of course, it was simple, plain but oh so elegant!  Nothing to it but a thick trim of pearls across my chest & shoulders, my waist and timmed at the bottom as well!  My cousin (who is a florist) did the flowers by herself, they were amazing ~ BREATHTAKING white and cranberry shaded stargazer lilies, they matched the colors perfectly!  There were flowers everywhere, down the aisle, at the alter, every single table in the reception hall and the wedding cake was covered in floral designs as well!  The cerimony itself meant the world to me!  It was performed in the church, by the pastor who baptised me and my sister in the town I grew up in.  I grew up in that church as a little girl, the church where my grandma still attends every weekend, it was home to me!  The day of our wedding was the last day the Pastor was going to perform weddings in that church before he moved into his new church that was already built down the road.  I was so honored to be one of the last weddings conducted in my home-town’s little church with the big steeple and beautiful stained glass for every window!  We were escorted everywhere by a stretch lincoln navigator limo, and the photographer was top of the line.  He was so professional, he knew all of my friends and family member’s names by heart.  The DJ was PERFECT!  He immidiately got a feel for our group of friends, nobody left the dancefloor and we kept the banquet open for an extra 2 hours!  We had booked the grand ball room (over 250 people) I worked for the owners of the reception hall years back so our bar was stocked with nothing but top shelf (free of charge….now THAT was a bonus)!  Even the after party was another party all in it’s own!

My Husband.  I was in shock that we found the energy to have sex back at our sweet before we joined our friends down the hall for more drinks.  Our plane left the next morning for Ixtapa / zihuatanejo, Mexico.  An all inclusive resort on the west coast overlooking Ixtapa island where we attmepted snorkeling together (it was a first time for both of us).  And the most amazing pinia coladas I have EVER had in my life (so far).  One of my greatest moments was the two of us overlooking the ocean from our honeymoon suite when we arrived.  We were so exhuasted, the puddle jumper plane made us tense, the drive through zihuatanejo was not what you would call “beautiful” so once we pulled into Ixtapa and finally reached our resort…..paradise!  And the suite itself was something out of a travel magazine, As we overlooked the ocean, the sun was setting, champain and strawberries and flowers awaiting our arrival, there was nothing for us to do but have the most amazing sex!  On the balcony, in the bed, on the dressor, the couch, the chair, the tub, the shower….EVERYWHERE, every moment we had!  It was not often that we had all this space and time to ourselves so we definitely took advantage!  The following morning we layed in the pool and became aquainted with the swim-up bartender and the other newleyweds who we joined for dinner and drinks later in the week as well and ended up having such an amazing time!  Zihuatanejo (durring the day) was so amazing!  They had the best hidden beaches/bars/resturants and the markets were so amazing!  It wasn’t commercialized like Ixtapa so it was nice (not so nice) to get a feel for the locals and how they lived!

We didn’t want to leave, we were in our own world, seeing so many things together, being spoiled at the beautiful resort and most of all, having sex every day (which wasn’t common because of our work schedules).  After a week of paradise, we headed home!  HOME?  What home?  I still live with my mom!My husband & I made sure to take an extra week off of work so we had time to move my things in with my husband and his roomate.  Only 3 to 4 months and our townhome would be ready to move into!  And so our life together began as HUSBAND and WIFE!

July 1, 2008 | Single Mom | No Comments »